Tag Archives: hope

Not Everything Sucks

14 Replies

The last couple posts have been pretty heavy. They were written from a place of pain and reflected feelings that I have when I’m feeling really down. As is the nature with bipolarism I’m feeling sorta okay today. Played some Minecraft. Drew some logos. Actually, digitally painted a logo.

latteam

It’s not super great… but I like um. Not often I do a lot with painting digitally. It’s usually drawing shapes and text and shading and gradients and drop shadows.

So about not everything sucking…

I figured I’d write out some of the good things that have transpired since I quit my job as a Children’s Pastor.

Continue reading →

I’m Anxious, Not Angry. Sad, Not Sanctimonious

12 Replies

depression

I really upset some people with my post yesterday. Some folks assumed I was referencing The Church: The Bride of Christ when I was critiquing American Church Culture. Others took it personally which I don’t understand. I’m writing from a place of pain and loss… not from judgement and condemnation. You’ve got to be in some place of authority to do that… and I’m far from it. I find it a little ridiculous that some people would respond in anger to a plea for acceptance and understanding.

Things will be written in this update that people won’t want to read. That’s because there is a side to depression that’s uglier than depression itself. It’s way society deals with it, the way the church deals with it, the way we deal with it… the way I’m dealing… and I’m going to talk about how all of that has affected myself and my family.

Continue reading →

Outlive This

2 Replies

About three years ago I was in prayer and God finally spoke to me. Some people have God speak to them all the time… not me. I’ve never heard him audibly… and that really used to bother me. God typically just drops answers or thoughts into my mind. Thoughts that make so much sense I know they didn’t come from me. But that moment three years ago was different. Though He wasn’t audible, the voice in my mind was clear.

“Outlive this,” was all He said.

I had been praying because I was seeing some pretty tough times coming on the horizon in my job and home life. They issues were taking a toll on my job performance, attitude, patience and spirituality. I had been praying for guidance, answers, help of just about any kind… and all I got was two words. Outlive this.

Though I’ve since had more thoughts and impressions that I know were from God since that moment… no matter how I pray, I haven’t gotten anything more out of our Father. No matter the circumstances, I always just come back to the last thing He told me.

I’ve given this short statement a lot of thought over the years. Like a Rodeo Rider riding bareback it has become a handle for me to hold onto. Here’s what I’ve pulled from it. I hope it will be of comfort to someone out there.

“Outlive This” means a few things to me:

1. He didn’t say ‘Survive This’.

There is a huge difference between surviving something and outliving it. You can barely be alive and still say your survived. You can be totally torn to shreds and still be a survivor. That’s not what God wanted from me. He wanted me to be alive after it was all over. He didn’t want me to just get through it… but rather to learn to thrive in the midst of the complexities of my life.

2. If I was outliving something, it meant there would be an end.

The word ‘outlive’ denotes that whatever you’re outliving will die before you do. That word gave me so much hope. Yes, I was expected to thrive in adversity… but that adversity had an expiration date. It was eventually going to die… and I would still be alive… and in theory better for it. It was like God ran to the end of the tunnel and installed a little light for me. This wasn’t an open ended issue. There would be a conclusion… and I would be alive after it.

3. There was a purpose for the drama.

God knew it was coming. He gave me a handle to hold on to. He wanted me alive on the other end. There was an end in sight (though I didn’t know when it was coming). So therefore there was a plan an a purpose for this mess. What do they say? What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Yeah, it was something like that.

I feel that I’m approaching the end of the challenging season… yet feel another one coming on. It has been the worst yet best period of my life. I can’t say I passed it with flying colors… but I have turned out better than I was going in… and by better I mean I have learned to rely on God more than ever and realized how fragile and stupid my own thinking, meddling and attempts to control things are. I’ve moved from faith into trust with God. It’s a much better place to be.

I hope this speaks to someone.

Viewing A Child’s Dual Potential

Leave a reply

happyangry

Kids, in a nutshell, are potential. An oversimplification yes… but still true. Everything a child does prepares them for their future. Even play is working to that end. My 4 year old daughter works harder at playing than I do at working sometimes.

When I look out at my group every Sunday morning I can’t help but see two future potentials for every child: The one God has planned and the version that Satan would have happen. With some children the God Version is easer to imagine. They seem like they’re going to end up that way almost automatically, though inside I know that is often far from true. Then there are kids who’s current behavior and/or situation make it easier to see the Fallen Version. They seem destined to become the back-row kid in the Youth Group.. mocking the kids who regularly fill the altar area during worship. Or even worse… they become involved in gangs, drugs, alcohol and start having destructive relationships with everyone they meet.

I value both of these views because both have value. One is a goal, the other is something to be avoided. Part of my job is to help one Version to win and the other to fail. If I can see each child through the eyes of my enemy, I can start to minister in a way that will minimize the chances of the Fallen Version to become reality.

If a child deals with anger chances are Satan plans to turn that child into a hateful, spiteful adult with a short fuse. The jails are full of men who were once children with attitudes and issues. But God has a different plan. A plan to help that child work through the anger, heal that heart, and help other people heal after being abused, injured or neglected. No jail time for helping others!

Same goes for kids who are the ‘good’ ones. We children’s workers can get a pretty twisted view of who’s ‘good’ and ‘bad’ because we typically only see them in the context of a large group… for only a couple of hours. We have no idea how they are at home, at school… and how they are inside their thought life where nobody sees them at all. The ‘good’ kids are just as much at risk as anyone. Even the ones who really are good… if you were the enemy of humanity… who would you go after the most? The kids who are already halfway there themselves or the kids who are truly pure in heart? Darn straight… I’d be going for the goodie-goodies. Those kids need you to see both sides of their potential as well.

I could keep going with this all day. Ask God to give you a dual view of your kids. Then ask him to help you minister to them and their families in a way that will draw them toward what He has for them. It’s not our job to do it all… but we can do our part better when we see our kid’s potential. Both potentials.