Category Archives: Blog

Can I Watch 250 Movies Like Mark Malkoff?

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Mark Malkoff is a comedian and film maker out of New York. He’s done some super-creative work since I had the fortune to discover him. He’s gotten 6-pack abs in 30 days. He’s lived five days in his bathroom, with no internet. He’s had New Yorkers carry him across town. He’s lived at Ikea. He stopped by my hometown of St. Mary’s, Georgia to accept the key to the city. And one of my favorite gags: Celebrity Sleepovers where he literally slept over at as many celebrity homes as he could. Funny (and creative) stuff.

Right now he’s in the midst of filming a whole new project where he’s trying to watch over 400 hours of Netflix. That’s 250 full-length movies, credits included, on Netflix Instant in a month’s time. As of this post’s writing he has just completed day 5. Five 15+ hour days just watching movies. Sounds like a dream… but I’m sure it got old say around day 1, 3rd movie.

It got me thinking. Mark does this for a living. It’s his job to create, film and release wild and creative comedy stunts… so he can take 400 hours out of a month and spend it on a marathon movie stunt. But how about me? How long would it take a father of two, with a full-time (plus) job, and several podcasts, who could only use his free time to do the same thing? I’m going to find out.

I’ll be watching (mostly) the same films as Mark is, starting with day one. I actually started this morning. Mark is committing 15 to 16 hours every day to his project. I can only use the time I have to myself… which is most Fridays and evenings after 9:00pm. There are a few films that Mark has on his list that I’ve already seen so I will be replacing them with movies of similar length. On May 3rd I’ll be at the Marvel Marathon leading up to the Avengers movie. I’ll be counting them as replacement films as well. It’s going to be fun to see how long this takes me.

Today I watched:

  • The Graduate
  • Chinatown
  • and almost half of Bonnie and Clyde
So that’s day one. By compairson Mark watched all of the following on his first day.
  1. The Graduate
  2. Chinatown
  3. Bonnie and Clyde
  4. A Clockwork Orange
  5. Paper Moon
  6. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
  7. Harold and Maude
  8. Marathon Man

So far the movies are wonderful… and disturbing. I had never seen The Graduate or Chinatown. I was amazing at how current they looked. Visually they could have been filmed this year. Where they showed their age was in the cinematography and storytelling. Apparently The Graduate is referred to as a comedy-drama… a genre I was not aware existed until today. I showed my age by recognizing the church scene at the end from what I think is a Wayne’s World sequel rather than the other way around as Wayne’s World had parodied The Graduate.

Both the Graduate and Chinatown dealt with some pretty heavy subject matter. Stuff filmmakers don’t mess with much these days. We like our movies light hearted and with a happy ending. But I’ll tell you, Chinatown got me angry. As was intended I’m sure. So much left undone. So much happened wrong… but it was so real in that way.

Bonnie and Clyde has me wondering how historically accurate it is. The way the two met and just jumped into a life of crime together seems like a movie making shortcut… unless it really happened that way. Though I’m almost halfway through, this seems like someone went back in time and made Natural Born Killers. Which I’m sure is actually a remake of Bonnie and Clyde… or at least heavily influenced by it.

After Bonnie and Clyde tomorrow I’ll be replacing A Clockwork Orange (seen it long ago and it just wasn’t my thing at all… can’t stand milk) with Shutter Island which is actually 3 minutes longer… but who cares.

My Cross-stitch Creation

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When I was a younger man it was a popular thing to hang cute cross-stitched signs over your toilet. Usually they were very frilly with flowers, kittens and a message that made it feel good to be a woman.

Not being a woman I thought it was a bit odd that none of these stitched signs ever addressed men. Men are the ones standing in the correct position while in the bathroom to be able to read the signs after all.

So I wrote my own cute poem. I bought some fabric, thread and a needle and cross-stitched my own “cute” sign for men and had it hanging over my toilet until I got married and my wife replaced it with a lighthouse painting with a scripture.

Here is that poem.

If you’re a guy and this you’re readin’
Then most likely you’re a peein’

But if you’re readin’ what you’re seein’
Are you seein’ where you’re peein’?

See it’s funny because anything over a toilet is a bad idea. We men need to be able to focus on what we’re doing. So my little poem addressed that issue and every other little thing I found hilarious about the cross-stitch trend.

What? You think this is just a silly story? Need some proof? Well you’re in luck! It just so happens that I still have my cross-stitch creation. Enjoy.

Note the yellow stitching on the pink carpet. What could that be?

Click it to make it big enough to read.

Weight Loss Update: Week 2

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Have you ever worked really hard sticking to a diet plan only to lose .2 pounds after all that? Yeah, well I have. That’s my big update for this week. Point two pounds.

"Know what weighs .2 pounds? My bark."

I guess I could celebrate. At least it wasn’t .2 pounds in the wrong direction. And if I didn’t have a electronic scale that did the tenths I wouldn’t even know I’d lost at all.

It’s a little ridiculous to fret over such a thing when a drink of water or a good trip to the rest room could make you weigh a half a pound more or less instantly… but that’s why I’m sticking with it. I remember last time that I could go two weeks without any change… then that third week drop four pounds all at once. That’s just the way it works. At least I’m not 12 seconds heaver.

"What tha... I've been weighing myself on a wall clock!"

So all that to say I’m looking forward to next Sunday’s weigh in. Sticking to the Points Plus system tighter than ever… cause it’s easy to get lazy and quit measuring and start counting things in your head, trusting yourself. Thing is, my self wants more than the measuring cup wants to give out… so I can’t trust it.

Couldn’t find my measuring tape so I couldn’t do accurate measurements… have since found it and I’m about an inch smaller around all the biggest places: belly, waist and neck. Funny, I want my neck to get smaller more than I want my belly to go down. I’d wear more of my dress clothes and a tie if I didn’t feel like they were choking me to death.

"I know that feel bro."

Weird thing. I put on my ball cap the other day. It felt loose. I haven’t had a haircut. Haven’t moved the adjustment strap on the hat. Did my fat head lose weight? Weird.

"I also know that feel bro."

Thanks for reading. Here’s your reward:

Weight Loss Update: Week 1

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Have you seen the episode of Doctor Who where the little Adipose aliens were coming out of people’s excess fat? It was a wonderful weight loss system… until everyone turned completely into a mess of the little jobbers.

"Could you lose some more weight? I need a friend."

I kinda wish that would happen right about now. My stomach would flex and wiggle. This cute little nasty guy would pop out from under my shirt, wave goodbye and float away. He would even wave and smile with his one little sharp scary tooth. The best part being I bet each Adipose weighs in at around 5 pounds.

Alas, it is not that easy… or dangerous.

Getting carried away with weight loss is dangerous.

So all that to say my first week is behind me. I lost 2 pounds. So about half a Adipose. Now I’m glad they don’t exist. Who would want to deal with half an alien crawling around your house. Clean up alone…

Experience tells me that I should be losing about 2 pounds every week if I follow the plan. That means I should be within goal range in about 42 weeks or 6 months. That’s a little depressing… but I worked a lot longer and a lot harder getting fat! I had to overeat every single day! It took years of work to get me where I am now.

People have no respect for how hard it is to avoid doing a sit-up. You do half a one just getting up in the morning!

So here’s to waiting on September! I’ll be nice and skinny just in time for the Holidays!! Welcome back my little Adipose!

Current stats:

  • Starting weight: 262.2 lbs
  • Current weight: 260.2 lbs
  • Goal: ~175
  • 5% Goal: 248.9 lbs
  • Daily points: 51

I Love Lego

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I’ve never been into Lego. Didn’t really see the draw as an adult. Sure I’d bought some of the Buzz Lightyear Lego stuff when it came out, but nothing beyond that.

Then the other day I came across this amazing video describing the upcoming R2-D2 model from Lego.

I knew from the moment I saw that thing that I needed that model. I contacted my a friend who works at the Lego store in Orlando about the possibility of getting one. She’d offered in the past to help me out if I ever became interested. She said it was due out in May but in the mean time there were other great Star Wars models available… like the Millenium Falcon and the X-Wing Fighter. Plus she would be able to help me out with a bit of a discount. So I packed up the family and we drove an hour and a half to Downtown Disney and bought those two plus Luke’s Landspeeder, some dino stuff for the boy and the new Lego Friends science lab set for Jenna.

The next two days were spent back at home assembling these things and let me tell you… I am hooked. Not only is it a blast to have these things… it is downright relaxing to work on them! Therapeutic even. Anyone else feel that way?

Now I’m totally into Lego. I wish I had a room full of them so I could build custom stuff in my spare time. Currently I’m designing a few Buzz Lightyear figures using Lego Design Studio, but I’m finding that it’s hard to track down lime green and deep purple pieces. Luckily there are plenty of online resources for buying those hard to find parts individually. I’ve already poured $13 into a very small package of 1×1 purples.

My first figure is a recreation of CubeDude’s amazing Buzz Lightyear rendition.

I’m also into the stuff going on at Lego Cuusoo. I’ve pre-ordered my Minecraft Micro World set and am eagerly anticipating the approval and creation of The Winchester from Shaun of the Dead as well as an official Back to the Future delorean. Go over and vote for them!!

I’ve been checking craigslist and ebay for a huge (cheap) lot of random Lego bricks so I can start building my own creations. I just wish that more folks who create amazing Lego models would post more about how they put them together.

First Post: Weight Loss

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I’m jumping back on the weight loss bandwagon. Back in 2001 I reached my goal weight… then the holidays hit. I gave up and gained it all back plus some. I’m 38 and overweight and have decided to take control of at least one of those two issues.

I’m using the online version of Weight Watchers for Men. I never liked the meetings anyway. Now there are loads of online tools and tracking help that makes carrying around a mess of manuals and reference books a thing of the past.

I only started yesterday so there’s not a lot to report so far. I have added some mini goals this time around. The first mini goal is to lose 5% of my body weight. My second goal is to fit into XL T-shirts. Mostly because there’s this really cool Buzz Lightyear Tee at Downtown Disney that I want and the largest size they have is XL.

Along with the obvious task of tracking my weight on a weekly basis, I’ve also decided to track measurements. My experience has shown me that there may be weeks that the scale doesn’t change… but the measurements will. Basically I’m trying to create as many “wins” as possible for myself. I’ve measured my waist, calves, thighs, upper arm, neck and my belly. I don’t expect much chance in the calves. They’re solid muscle… but my neck and belly… looking forward to seeing some changes there. I would wear a suit at work a lot more often if the shirts didn’t choke the life out of me. And since most of my weight is in my belly I’m looking forward to pulling that tape measure tighter and tighter each week or so.

Here are some of my stats as they stand right now:

  • Starting weight: 262 lbs
  • Goal: ~170 (not sure yet. I’ll know when I get there)
  • 5% Goal: 248.9 lbs
  • Daily points: 53
Will I make goal? Will I give up and quit? Will I get stuck in a rut with what I eat because it’s easy to track what I know? We’ll have to wait and see. Just don’t expect a lot of photos. That would be weird.

How To Write Up Stage Game Directions For Volunteers

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I’ve talked before about how I use games in my children’s church. Almost without exception they work double duty as fun and an object lesson. This means that I create the games right along with the rest of my service and then share that information with the volunteer leading the game. Continue reading →