1. Pastors

Thank God for Senior Pastors. Where would we be without them? Jobless that’s what. Love um or want to strangle them… be thankful for them. Your anointing filters through his office after all.

2. Volunteers

I know we never have enough… but remember to be thankful for those you have!

3. Parents

Where would we be without parents? We’d be preaching to an empty room! Our job is to support and educate them as they raise up their children in the way they should go. No, they’re not all doing it… but thank God for them all anyway.

4. Children

Every one of these little guys is a gift from God. The fact that we have the honor, privilege and responsibility of ministering to them is huge. Thank God for the simple trust they place in us.

5. Resources

Thank God for the Internet and CMConnect.org.

6. Facilities

Maybe you’re meeting in an old choir closet… but be thankful. Just one missions trip will be enough to make you thankful for anything with a roof, floor and air conditioning. Someone will always have it better… and someone will always have it worse.

7. The Call

God called you to minister to his kids. That Call will keep you going when almost nothing else can.

8. Peers

There are others doing what you do… and most of them are more than willing to share what they know… and need the experiences you have gleaned.

9. Mentors

Those who have them, you know why you should be thankful. Those who don’t have one or more… hurry up and get one so you can be thankful too.

10. Spouses

For almost every children’s minister out there, there is a supportive (or at least tolerant) spouse. Thank God for those who help us (or at least allow us) to do what we do.

What are you thankful for in Children’s Ministry?

I met my new church today. I was a little worried to be honest. Here I’d moved my family halfway across the country from Kansas City to St. Pete, Florida to work as the Children’s Pastor for a church I’d never even been to. I say I was worried… but honestly, I wasn’t. Two reasons:

1. God has worked out so much and made this move so obviously a part of His will I knew this would be no different.

2. The leadership of this church is what attracted me here. They could have been handling snakes and I would have been okay. (That last part is a lie… but almost not.)

After service there was a Children’s Ministry luncheon prepared to introduce me to the lay staff. I shook a lot of hands, met a lot of great folks and forgot a whole mess of names… though I do recall that two girls who were named after Disney Princesses and a dude named Nathan with a very happy Dad.

I wasn’t prepared to say anything… but I was asked and so I walked to the front. I didn’t feel like telling them about where I had worked, how hardcore it was, how many folks I’d had working with me or any of that. The things that were burning in my heart to share were…

1. This ministry does not need me to fix it.

It’s a healthy ministry where kids are growing and being taken care of. I’m not here to fix something that’s broken, but rather to nurture and direct the growth that is already happening.

2. I can tell instantly that you are good people with great hearts.

I don’t usually talk like this… but there was a healthy, family, friendly spirit in the room. I’m sure I’ll bump heads with someone in there eventually… but they seemed eager to accept my family and hit the road running!

3. I want to honor the work you’ve all done by learning what you do.

These folks have recently said goodbye to a CP and then held down the fort for at least nine weeks waiting for us to arrive. I’m not going to barge in and ignore the hard work they’ve put in. I’m sure we won’t be doing it exactly the same 3-6 months from now… but I’ll bet I’ll enjoy the things they do as much as they enjoy the tricks I have up my sleeve.

All in all… it was a fantastic day. (Except for the part where I told the staff that I had prepared a rap for them.) It was cool seeing the church as just another person before I have to go in and be Pastor James. It allowed me to see things from a first-timer’s perspective (which is a very hard thing to do later on) and let me experience the worship service without pressure.

Tomorrow morning I start my first week in the office. Woo hoo!

<img class=”alignnone size-full wp-image-2087″ title=”moving” src=”http://www.nlcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/moving.jpg” alt=”moving” width=”300″ height=”300″ />

While packing our house I have realized (yet again) that my wife and I think differently. Not only that, but we think differently from two different perspectives… even when we have the same goals. <strong>This isn’t because we’re two different people (it’s not a personality clash for once), it’s because we have two different roles.</strong>

Her role is the organizer. It’s her job to keep the family working during this entire process. She wants to keep us comfortable and herself sane. My role is the loader. It’s my job to do the heavy lifting and get everything from here to Florida in one piece. This translates into one person who wants everything in a box and every room cleared out… and another person who wants to keep a lot of stuff right where it is till the last moment.

This is more than about moving… It’s given me a chance to think back to past conflicts and wonder how many of them were not because of some huge, deep-seeded issue, but rather just because we had two different jobs to do.

Jennifer is a Mother, for instance. She has a different role with the kids than I do. She handles them differently than I would… but that doesn’t make her wrong. We both have the same goals, to raise great kids, but we have different parts to play in that goal. <strong>We’re not always going to be working together to see our goal reached.</strong> If it really takes two to make things go right, it takes two perspectives as well.

If two people have the same goal, there is no reason they can’t find a way to come alongside one another, even though their roles differ, to have harmony in the process. An added bonus would be to have those two roles not only accomplish the task, but benefit and enhance the other’s role as well.

In the case of our move, giving each person a chance to represent and explain their perspective can go a long way. <strong>Understanding how the other person sees things, rather than simply defending your own view, can relieve tensions and build unity.</strong> Our roles in the move appeared to be in opposition to one another. This created conflict, but once we explained our views and understood one another, a compromise was possible.

<strong>Compromise doesn’t always mean nobody gets what they want. Sometimes it means you adopt a little of the other’s way of thinking as your own.</strong> You realize that your perspective was a bit to limiting and you weren’t 100% right. A perfect compromise is when both parties do this.

So in the end… I’m going to get to pack up more than I would have… and she’s going to be able to keep out more than I had wanted… and it’s all good.

Most of us write up and use pretty basic rules for Children’s Church: Don’t talk, keep your hands to your self, participate, limit bathroom use, blah, blah blah. I’m finding that those just aren’t cutting it these days. There are so many issues that the basic rules just don’t cover. I suggest we add the following to our policies and procedures manuals immediately!

Rules I Wish I Could Use:

For Kids

• You shall not turn your Sunday School papers into airplanes or roll them into weapons.
• If we have drums, you are not allowed to play them. Ever. If you do we will cancel your next birthday.
• Do not groan after my movie video clip illustration is over.
• The answer to every question I ask is not “God”.
• Please thank your parents on our behalf for buying you a cell phone… right after you tell them you lost it.
• Knock, knock jokes are banned for life.
• Understand this: Even though I don’t have your birthday and age memorized… I still love you!
• Please tell your friends we have bibles and coats here at the church… free gifts from all of you who have left yours here.
• Nobody stole your socks.
• Please stay completely still and quiet during worship but move around and talk as much as you want during the sermon.
• Prayer requests are not a chance to tell a story.
• If your grandmother is dead… there’s really no reason to pray for her… again.
• Offering goes in the plate… not in the coke machine after service.
• Please explain to we leaders how you fit all that stuff in that tiny pink purse.
• Keep your dangum shoes on girls!

For Parents

• Parent’s are required to get angry when they arrive late for check-in. We’re only open for an hour after all… only 30 minutes shorter than the service itself… I’d be angry too!
• Parent’s must pick up their children within 15 minutes of the end of service. Those who don’t will have their children given to someone who will raise them properly.
• Deadlines apply to everyone… except you. You’re special.
• Please don’t act like you’re doing us a favor my dropping off your child. It’s not a problem for me… but some of these folks feel a little under appreciated when you act that way.
• By all means, fill up a van full of kids, bring them to church and then refuse to volunteer!
• Offering goes up one dollar for every minute you are late to church.
• Those papers we send home… they’re useful… and not just as replacement floor mats in the minivan.
• I know your kid is perfect… like you… but we still need him to stop stabbing others.
• Thanks for your donation… but the homeless don’t like cans of pepper hulls either.

For Volunteers

• If you’ve been sick since Wednesday, please wait to call in till Saturday night or (even better) Sunday morning just before service. For a bonus, do it via facebook!
• Children’s Ministry is probably not the best place to work off your community service hours.
• You can pass a background check… but if you smell funny, I’m not going to approve you to work with kids. It’s called mercy.
• Volunteers who call in sick for the Super Bowl will have the kids from their abandoned class delivered to their home in time for the game.
• Yes, random church member with an agenda, I’d love to create a class wrapped around your goat farm.
• Please hold all important, drama-filled conversations until right before service starts. Preferably while I’m trying to get PowerPoint to work.
• All scary looking relatives of yours are automatically cleared to sit through kids church. Since you asked me with them standing right there so I couldn’t say no. I’ll be sure to send a couple of mine over to watch you sleep tonight in return.
• If you’re going to read right out of the curriculum, at least hold the book right-side up.

Do you have any of your own rules we should add? Put them in the comments!

<img class=”alignnone size-full wp-image-2065″ title=”tantrum” src=”http://www.nlcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/tantrum1.jpg” alt=”tantrum” width=”400″ height=”333″ />

Having young children means I have to keep them busy. When I’m keeping them busy, it’s usually at places where there are other parents trying to keep their own kids busy. All those kids and all those parents means I get to see a lot of different personalities and parenting styles. I hate to say it, but most of those parents don’t seem to have a lot of control over their children’s behavior. At home it’s not embarrassing and who knows how they handle it… but in public it’s a different story. They all seem to employ the same techniques… and none of them work the way you’d think they would.
<h3>The Threat</h3>
<strong>The Technique:</strong> Dad is trying to get Billy to be good in line at Disney World. He says, “If you don’t straighten up, we won’t go swimming later!”

<strong>The Problem:</strong> Billy is six. He lives in the moment. He only knows how he feels right now… and he’s bored. Plus, he knows you’re not going to ruin the entire family’s plans. You’ve threatened before and never followed through.

<strong>The Proper Solution:</strong> Billy is bored… but that’s no excuse for bad behavior. Billy needs a time out until he can get his attitude straight. Leave the line, sit Billy down and calmly explain to him that Vacation is on hold until he can control his attitude. The moment Billy pulls it together, jump back in line. If Billy freaks because we’re now at the end of the line, explain that’s what happens when you’re not happy with what you have. If Billy freaks again… lather, rinse, repeat.
<h3>The Bribe</h3>
<strong>The Technique:</strong> Mindy won’t eat her McDonald’s and won’t sit still. Mom promises that we’ll get ice cream if she’ll eat her nuggets.

<strong>The Problem:</strong> Mindy is eating McDonald’s. You should never have to be bribed to eat McDonald’s. Mindy has learned that if she’s bad, she gets rewarded so she pulls this just about every time she can. Plus, she’s so focused on ice cream that she can’t possibly focus on finishing lunch. Also, Mom will probably get ice cream later anyway to keep Mindy from pitching a fit… so for Mindy, it’s a win-win.

<strong>The Proper Solution:</strong> Mindy gets a time limit. If she finishes, great. If she doesn’t she gets to see it go into the trash. If she pitches a fit, it’s nap time when we get home.
<h3>The Pacifier</h3>
<strong>The Technique:</strong> Little Blake has lost his mind in the shopping cart because Mom walked past the toy aisle on accident and didn’t stop. Mom is embarrassed so she runs back and lets Blake pick out a toy which turns into an ordeal of it’s own.

<strong>The Problem:</strong> Like Mindy above, Blake has learned that throwing a fit gets results! He’s being rewarded for bad behavior. Plus, he’s young… and kids have a hard time making choices. Some kids enjoy whipping their parents into a frustrated frenzy.  If they can’t get positive attention, they’re more than happy with manipulation.

<strong>The Proper Solution:</strong> Blake needs to be ignored. He doesn’t need a toy every time he sees one. It’ll be embarrassing. People will look at Mom like she’s being abusive… but eventually little Blake will run out of energy and accept his fate. He’ll learn that his temper gets him nothing!
<h3>The Sibling</h3>
<strong>The Technique:</strong> It’s time to leave Chic-Fil-A so Mom, knowing how younger sister Starla can be, sends older sister, Lisa into the playplace to get her.

<strong>The Problem:</strong> Mom is putting Lisa into an unfair position. She’s been charged with a task that is going to frustrate everyone involved. Starla isn’t going to listen. Lisa isn’t going to get the results Mom wanted. Mom’s hoping to avoid drama and she is… but only at the expense of her daughter’s stress level.

<strong>The Proper Solution:</strong> Before Starla goes to play, Mom tells her how long she’s got… and what will happen when we get home if there is a temper tantrum. When it’s almost time to go, Mom comes in to tell her she’s got 5 minutes left to play then it’s time to go. This gives Starla time to adjust and will help keep outbursts to a minimum. At one minute till Mom comes back to tell Starla to get her shoes on. If she has an outburst, Mom simply follows through with what the promised would happen once they get home. Mom is patient and doesn’t lose her temper. Eventually Starla gives up, puts on the shoes and leaves.

<strong>Even great kids lose it.</strong> The trick for parent’s is to stop caring how they’re being perceived in public. Do what needs to be done for the betterment of your child. That takes patience and self-control. If you get embarrassed and lost your temper… they’ve won.