I’ve collected buzz lightyear memorabilia since 1996 when I bought my first 10” figure at Disney during my honeymoon.
10 years later and my wife and I have kids, good jobs and a home. I also have hundreds of Buzz Lightyears. They’re all confined to two places in the home: my office and my son’s nursery that’s done up just like Andy’s room.
Over the course of three years I went from a successful employee, father and husband to barely being able to get out of bed due to a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder. I am 40 and I lose my career, my wife becomes the sole supplier and I feel like a failure to my children. I lost the ability to feel anything but doom, pain, darkness, and the wish that I’d never been born. Depression took my purpose, my hobbies and even the stupidest little joy in my life… collecting.
10 years go by.
I’m at a Vintage Stock in South County Mall and I see a couple of Toy Story VHS tapes. They’re a dollar each. They make me feel something. Stupid I know, but when you’ve been so far down you find yourself clinging to anything that will perk you up even slightly. So I bought those two tapes and once a week I’d go back to see if they had more. I did this for months and it was a blast. I didn’t know it at the time but I was slowly coming out of my depression and these stupid tapes were one of the very first signals.
My wife thought I was nuts, playfully, but was happy that I was excited about something again. I filled shelves with them… then one day I was done. I felt good. I didn’t need the hunt to get that jolt of dopamine. I was just feeling good again. I kept them on display for a while but now I’ve greatly reduced the number of figures I have out in my new office and it was time to see if anyone wanted 30 copies of Toy Story on VHS.
I actually own 31. The one I’m keeping I found on eBay. It’s still shrink wrapped and in perfect condition. It will remind me of the fun, stupid little craze I went through. And in a small way, it’s a symbol of me finally getting my head above water.
I’m 50 now. Working full time. Reconnecting with old friends. Enjoying the basics of life again. Making up for lost time with the wife and kids. It’s time to clean house and get rid of those tapes. I don’t need them anymore.
I put them up on Facebook Marketplace and the buyer wanted this story.
Note: I realize there are not 30 tapes in the photo. They wouldn’t all fit in the window. Trust me. I own(d) 30, well 31, tapes.
