Category Archives: Blog

Inflate-A-Set… A Genius Solution For The Space-Challenged

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I met a few friend from Daytona Beach, Florida yesterday. He’s a Children’s Pastor with a lot of creativity… but not a lot of space. He shares his children’s ministry room with other ministries just like I do. He got tired of moving heavy sets each week and decided to do something about it.

The product of that need was something he calls Inflate-A-Set. It’s a super portable, light weight set frame that inflates like a moon walk but works like a rear screen and puppet stage.

I’m going to be saving my pennies to get me one. It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for!

They’ve just got a business card style site up for now… but it’ll give you something to look at.

Inflate-A-Set

How A Family Handles Major Life Changes

change

Change is the name of the game around here at my house. I’ll wait to reveal what those changes are until after they have taken effect… but in the mean time just know that they are potentially good changes… but life altering.

Since my mind was on change in the context of family, I thought I’d write up a post on some of the steps Jenn and I have taken, between the two of us… and our children.

1. We’ve talked out everything… over and over… again and again.

Change is scary. It pushes all of your buttons. When the change is life altering, it can easily affect your security, relationship, stress level, moods and stress level. It’s important for couples to share those feelings. We found that we were sharing a lot of the same feelings.

We’re not just talking about feelings though… there are a lot of potentially scary choices to be made when change happens. It’s important to hear one another out when considering your options. Two are better than one and a marriage comes with a different perspective built right in.

We men like to talk things through once. We set our mind toward a goal and start heading that way. It’s already done in our minds… but my wife isn’t like me. She seems to forget the big picture and wants to go through it all again. She wants to know that everything’s still okay… and that things are still going the way we wanted them to go. This isn’t weakness… it’s balance. Someone needs to see the forest… and someone else needs to watch out out for the trees.

2. We’re in total agreement… about everything.

It’s always been a thing with us… we don’t make any major life changes without both of us ‘feeling’ it. It’s mandatory in our family. Even if I’m totally sold on something… if I don’t have her support… I don’t even try it. Why? Because even if I’m right… but I don’t have her beside me… it will fail anyway. The ends do not justify the means.

I truly believe that God even thinks this is a good idea. Our past is full of choices that we made in unity that I know were His will for us. We’ve NEVER made a bad choice together. Never… except our 2nd child. 😉

3. We’re moving slow.

A wise man once told me, “You’ll always miss God[‘s Will] going too fast… but you’ll never miss Him going too slow.” Once we’ve made our decisions we always make a commitment to take things very slowly. This gives God plenty of time to talk to us and  redirect us if He needs to. We also commit to never making a single choice that we can’t instantly un-make if He calls us to. It’s just how we roll. I can’t see my own future… but God is there. We trust him to lead us.

4. We’re putting one another first.

Change is typically done to improve things for everyone involved… but not always. Sometimes the change benefits one over the other. In a marriage that should never matter. True love doesn’t keep score. It is not selfish. It puts the needs of the other before their own. Even without the Bible stuff it just makes sense… when you keep your spouse happy… it makes your life better.

5. We’re not telling the kids.

Though our children are a huge consideration in anything that we do… they are not a part of the decision making process itself. Granted, they’re 4 and 1 years of age… but even if they were teens… the job of directing this family lies in our hands.

As it is, since they are so young, we’re just going to trust steps 1-4 to gently carry them through the transition. Plus, if they don’t have the ability to understand something… it’s not for them to know yet. All it will do is unlock parts of their mind that they should be having to deal with until their older anyway.

If you follow the podcast and the blog… then I  know you’re dying to know what the deal is. So are we… but in the mean time just know that it’s good stuff… but we still need to be careful. Keep us in your prayers.

Set Minimum Behavior Standards For Your Child

Every parent has goals for their children. Not just goals for the future… but what we want from them now. Most of us have a mental picture of what we expect from our children. A list of unwritten rules and expectations that we constantly refer to and use to help judge their behavior by.

The problem with this ‘picture’ is that it typically changes depending on our mood, our location or situation. When we’re short tempered we can be too nit-picky and when we’re happy, it’s sometimes easier to let things slide that we shouldn’t. If you’re a person who’s prone to being hot-tempered, like most men I know, we sometimes won’t discipline because we can’t trust ourselves to be good judges of behavior because we’re over reactors.

One way to overcome all of these issues is to set minimum requirements for your child’s behavior.  Minimum requirements are the least amount of behavior that you will stand for in any situation.  When you set minimum requirements it doesn’t matter what your mood is.  Whether you’re in a good or bad mood, if your child steps below those minimum requirements you know you have to step in and correct the behavior.  This is especially good for those who don’t trust themselves to be consistent in discipline.

For example, my expectations for bedtime for my four year old daughter is for her to brush her teeth, brush out her hair, no whining, no complaining, and 9:00 PM bedtime.  Anything less than this behavior needs to be corrected.  This is the case whether I’m in a good or bad mood.  My minimum requirements for dinner are different.  She eats the same thing we’re having, she doesn’t have to eat it all but she must taste everything at least once.  She can’t take forever to eat and no complaining.  Any behavior less than those requirements gets corrected.

Of course my standards are higher.  My expectations for are much higher.  I expect more than the minimum but anything above the minimum doesn’t mean to be corrected.  It doesn’t necessarily need to be rewarded either…  But we’ll talk about rewards another time.

So setting minimum requirements for church, home, extracurricular activities, school, chores and whatever else can be a great guide for parents.  They help us know when to step in and help kids to change inappropriate behavior before it becomes bad behavior.  Think of it like a pain of a candle flame that causes you to pull your hand back from the pain that keeps you from burning your hand off.  It’s uncomfortable, but better than the alternative.

In future posts will talk about rewardable behavior and expected behavior.  Battle of the teacher comments and feedback on setting minimum behavior standards or any other discipline topic in the comments below.

Children’s Ministry Raw

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This weekend we recorded our JAM City children’s church service using four cameras and an portable audio recorder. I spent most of Sunday afternoon and all day Monday putting it all together and editing it down. The result is a 56 minute video cut into 10 minute segments available for your viewing pleasure on YouTube.

No set. No fancy lighting. No amazing costumed characters. Just a bunch of passion and a great group of kids (it was a ‘rain Sunday’ so not even a large group of kids). 😉

I’ve edited out a lot of our more fun segments to focus on the ministry portions… but I plan to make those available as separate clips shortly. Stuff your missing is: Rules & Regs, Jumps, Offering, Praise & Worship, and Game Time.

If you have any questions about anything you see in the video… leave a comment below and I’ll get right back to you.

Link: JAM City Children’s Church Video

Introducing Kids.Woot.com

I’m a big fan of Woot.com. If you’re not familiar, it’s a site with one item for sale each day at a great price. They have a set amount for sale, and when it’s gone it’s gone. I’ve probably spent more money over at Shirt.Woot.com over the years though… same concept except with t-shirts.

As of this morning at 12:00am they’ve launched a brand new spin on the theme: Kids.Woot.com. Every day we can expect great deals on gadgets, games and toys for children. Even Woot.com has gotten into the spirit by selling a fort making kit.

I know I’ve got this added to my bookmarks. I would imagine any children’s pastor looking for great prizes for special events would find it in their best interest to check it out daily.

I wonder if Kids.Woot.com will do their own version of the BOC?

[Link]

Free Game Show Controls

I found a page full of free Game Show apps for use on computers for children’s ministry. The games include 25,000 Pyramid, Sale of the Century, Deal or no Deal, Family Feud, Press Your Luck, Blockbusters, Countdown, Wheel, Match Game, 1 vs 100, Million Dollar Password, Scrabble and more.

There is even a Deal or No Deal Banker’s Offer Calculator

Free Game Show Controls

What Is Proper Discipline?

Discipline

Discipline used to be a dirty word to me. It still has a sting to it. I had a hardcore ex-military step-father who loved to throw it around while he rampaged around the house demanding perfect order. His demands on us changed moment by moment based on his moods. A good mood meant we could be ourselves, even careless and carefree with our behavior. A bad mood meant we wished we didn’t even exist enough to leave a footprint in the carpet. This wasn’t proper discipline.

When it was time to have my own children, I was outright scared. I was terrified that I wouldn’t know how to bring up my children properly. Don’t we learn from the example? Don’t the statistics say we tend to repeat the bad traits of our own parents? I didn’t want to… but was I doomed to put my children through the same tortures I endured? That was when learning proper discipline became very important to me.

Discipline is more than “getting onto” kids, correcting them, spankings and time-outs. Discipline done right is just another word for Discipling, literally making your child into a follower of your example… a disciple. Therefore…

Proper discipline is achieved when we provide a relationship of love and consistency where children are shown the consequences of sin and the benefits of obedience.

Proper discipline starts with love.

We all love our kids… but love isn’t all hugs and kisses. Love holds a child down while they get their shots… because it’s good for them. Love exposes a child to food they don’t originally like. Love forces a child to focus on things they don’t have much interest in like homework or cleaning their room. Love is also patient and kind. It is not rude, self-centered or easily angered. Proper discipline starts with proper love.

Proper discipline is consistent and predictable.

When children think about crossing the line… they need to know even before they do it what is coming. Your response shouldn’t be based on mood or circumstance. We achieve consistency by having a vision for who we want our child to be, being patient and selfless, and having a set of expectations and basic rules established ahead of time. When children experience the same discomfort when they make mistakes and the same encouragement when they make good choices… they will move away from one and toward the other. This is greatly enhanced when they see the principals you set for them lived out in your own life.

Proper Discipline has consequences for bad choices.

When a child steps over the line, it needs to be uncomfortable for them. The consequences of the transgression need to outweigh the benefits. A child may want to loose their temper because it feels good to get so angry… but if the consequences of the behavior are severe enough, they will choose good behavior because it’s not worth it. What are those consequences? That’s where knowing your own child comes into play. Some parents use time-outs, some spank, some use isolation or loss of benefits. It’s all about what works best with the smallest effort from you… and doing it consistently.

Proper Discipline has benefits and encouragement for good choices.

This is the part most old school disciplinarians don’t get. It’s not enough to discourage bad behavior, you’ve got to encourage good behavior. Focusing only on the bad only teaches a child to not get caught. Focusing only on the good creates a child who believes they are entitled and can do no wrong. It’s only in the balance of both do we see the results we want. I don’t believe you have to reward every bit of good behavior… but encouragement is free and should be given liberally. It’s easy to catch a child being bad… we almost look for badness by default. I try to catch my daughter being good too. If I see her share her snack with her brother… I’m going to brag on her to her mom so she can hear. They like hearing you talk about them a lot more anyway. 🙂

More on consequences and rewards in future posts.

Attention Facebook Folks: Please leave your comments and responses here on the website! It will really help build the community and you’ll see a lot more interaction and responses to your thoughts.

The Monkey Chicken Dance – A Preschool Song

I’ll admit something… I do a character. His name is JoJo The Christian Clown. I hate clowns. JoJo wrote a song for my daughter a while back and I made a video of it and shared it with the internets. Now I’m sharing it with you. It has no redeeming value at all. It will become stuck in your head and you may sing it out loud at some point today. Just a warning.

You can download the mp3 here.

And check out this Kindergarten class that performed the song for their Family Night. I just found the video last night!

Why Parents Don’t Discipline

screaming-child

It only takes one trip to Walmart to realize something… folks don’t discipline their children very well anymore. You can hardly find a child you’d want to spend any amount of time around while strolling through the isles. Restaurants are even worse. Kids shouting out, squirming, crying or complaining. It’s not just the young ones either… often times the older the child is the more out of control they are.

I think the lack of discipline in the home is the leading contributor to the degrading quality of our neighborhoods, our schools, escalation of chemical imbalances and rising crime rates, drug use and gang activity. It’s a big deal.

So why aren’t we doing it? Why are kids getting away with so much? Why are we pacifying and distracting rather than directing and correcting?

1. Discipline is a dirty word to most of us.

So many adults today were abused or otherwise mistreated under the banner of “discipline”. Proper discipline is not abuse or an overbearing parent… it is a relationship that allows a parent to direct a child into becoming the man or woman God has for them to be.

2. Complicated family situations.

When a family splits up… things get complicated. When money is tight… the urgent will often push the important to the back burner. We love our children… but proper discipline is hard work and so quick fixes become the order of the day. If the child spends time between two households, the rules are different every other weekend. Parents tend to parent out of guilt or as a competition with the former spouse. Since there is almost no consistency parents switch into survival for the moment mode and situations are handled, but not the behavior.

3. Vices

If a parent has problems with smoking, drinking, drugs, gambling, late nights, dating or any other self-destructive behavior it makes it almost impossible for them to be a good parent. If a parent is a liar how can they correct a lying child? If mom has a boyfriend over for the night and the child acts out in school the next day, the parent is defensive against the teachers because she is to blame. Meanwhile the child is left thinking he can do no wrong and will continue to take out his frustrations on every available adult outside of his home. 99% of parenting is leading by example. They will only do what we say for so long… then they’ll do what we do. We must become the people we want our children to be.

4. Simply don’t know how!

There are a ton of parents who would love to have a well behaved child… but they simply don’t know how to do it. They’re trying… but nothing seems to work. I know of several parents who have 3 or more kids… then the 4th one comes along and nothing that worked with the older ones work with him. They have to learn all over again how to get the behavior they need. If you have never seen a model of proper discipline, it’s difficult to know what to do. My hope is that the articles I’ll be writing over the next few days will be of service to you.

Proper discipline is one of the hardest jobs in parenting… but it’s the most rewarding. It’s an investment in your own future… and because of the fruits of your labor… it’s not only the best thing you can do for your kid, it’s the best thing you can do for your own sanity. Children not only need structure, they crave it. Like grass that grows better when it’s cut regularly, children flourish when they are given proper boundaries. They make better choices and avoid common mistakes. They’ll become a blessing to you rather than a drain on you. Check back for more.

If You Only Had Three Months… What Would You Do?

If you were leaving your position in three months… and wanted to leave the ministry you’d been building in the best condition possible… what would you do in the next 30 days?

I have recently put this challenge to myself and realized I had a vision or two that I had been holding off on for no good reason. I immediately called a meeting and boldly laid out my vision and I think things are going to start moving that direction. It’s exciting.

It’s the same as when you sell your home. There are a ton of things that you suddenly realize you need to fix that you were living with and had actually grown to accept. Looking at your home through a buyers eyes helps you see things in a more honest light. This exercise can help us to light a fire under ourselves to jump on those projects, programs, tasks or whatever that we’ve gotten used to being less than what we’ve wanted them to be.