How many times do arguments in a relationship start with a misunderstanding… um… every stinking time perhaps? Something like that. Here are a few hoops you can jump through before dragging yourself and your mate into a three hour shout-fest over nearly nothing.

1. Ask Them To Repeat And Clarify Their Comment

Before you get all angry over a comment, at least make sure you heard what they said correctly. I can’t tell you the times I’ve blown up over something that was never ever said!

2. Assume That You’re Taking It Worse Than Was Intended

I recall in the movie Wolverine where he says “Bub” but The Blob character hears him say “Blob” because he’s sensitive about his weight. We’re the same way. For some reason our brain loves to trick us into thinking folks are saying the exact thing we need to hear in order to be the most offended and hurt. Just knowing this about ourselves can help.

3. Is The Comment A Reply To Your Misunderstood Comment?

When people who love one another say hurtful things, 9 times out of 10 it’s in an attempt to defend themselves against something hurtful. You can judge how bad something you said hurt them by how much their reply stings you. If you say something that gets that kind of response, rather than fire back something awful, realize they may have misunderstood you and find out what they heard you say. Once they understand that you weren’t trying to rip out their heart… things can deescalate.

Two people who love one another are two people who put the other person’s feelings before their own. That doesn’t happen naturally. If it were, it wouldn’t be an act of love in the first place. Take the time and make a decision about your actions rather than allowing yourself to simply react to a comment and you will have that much more peace in your relationship.