Because I’ve chosen to attempt to blog my collection from oldest to newest, and from crappiest to coolest, it means I end up with a bunch of random stuff that doesn’t fit in a nice little collection. That’s what I’ve been trying to do. If I have a group of related items I put them together. It makes sense and saves time. Who would want to see an entire post on every single pen (or pin) that I own? So here we are. Another unrelated group of Buzz stuff. All of which is currently stored in the clear plastic tub you see in the picture.
Let’s see what we have here, shall we?
Full-on Toy Story Band-Aids
What you got yourself here is a box of 30 very uninteresting strips of adhesive bandages. They are sterile… like your urine. And they come in assorted sizes… like your ex-girlfriends. I bought these at a Walmart I’m sure just thrilled to see Buzz prominently featured on a box of band-aids. Branded bandages weren’t as prominent in society as they are now. I just realized I’m wearing my headphones for no reason. I finished video editing like an hour ago. Let’s move on shall we.
Barely A Buzz Lightyear Calculator
I say barely because the only thing that separates this thing from a normal calculator is that little Buzz sticker on the front there. You remember these things? They open all slow. So that means that you can’t even see the Buzz part of this thing when you’re using it. Stupid purchase. But watch this!
It’s still opening smoothly after all these years. This calculator is fine and don’t care who knows it. You go, calculator! What’s next?
Freaking Buzz Lightyear Crayons
I was just thinking about how boring looking at crayons on my blog would be… but then I was like, “Heck with you! You don’t have any Buzz crayons! Screw you!” But that assumes that you are bored or even angry at the sight of said crayons. I shouldn’t assume my readers are butt heads. You probably are at times though. You should watch it with that attitude. Two things I would like to point out. All of the colors look as good as they day they were made… except that one red one. What’s fungus that prefers the color red is growing on that thing? Did I mention these were pretty old? The second thing I’d like to point out is that the white crayon is so white it’s racist. Look at that cracker. You can’t even see the little line around the front. Looking like a little clansman.
Blue Buzz & Zurg Folder
It’s blue. There’s Buzz on it. Zurg is also on it. I’m sorry I photographed these two separately.
Some Color Buzz & Woody Folder
I don’t know what color that is. It kinda wants to be red. That’s what a preschooler would say. “That’s Red!” and we would pat them on the head and say, “No stupid. That’s salmon.” And they would be warped for life and probably hate red things and never know why. I’m just going to go out on a limb and say that’s red-orange. It’s the name of a crayon so it’s a real color. I hate it and I don’t know why.
Buzz’s World in a Yo-Yo
It’s a whole world… in a yo-yo. Buzz’s whole entire world, his existence, his essence, his hopes and dreams, his future aspirations, his family and friends, everything that is meaningful and tangible in his life is in a smallish green rotating piece of plastic. It’s not looking like he’s got a lot going. There’s him… and his jetpack… that to my knowledge is not supposed to be removable. There’s… heck let’s get closer.
So him and his jetpack. Some red and silver bits of “tech”, a circle between his feet and a green muffler up top. He can’t even look us in the face. After 18 years this is his world… and he will never be let out. He is remanded to his see-thru prison forever. Pretty cool for a yo-yo… pretty bad for Buzz.
How has reading about Buzz’s life affected you? Do you ever feel like you’ve had the “Jetpack of Life” removed from you? Do you ever feel like your world is a plastic and claustrophobic yo-yo? Do you know what color that folder was? Do you ever wonder why a 39 year old man cares this much about a Pixar character? Do you want me to punch you in the face? Don’t judge me. Leave your thoughts and apologies in the comments.
I forgot about the dang glider.
The Dang Glider
This thing be a Planeur De Vol baby! You stick the thing in the thing and throw it and it crashes and you pretend that it flew. Buzz is not an airplane. He might be a robot with a human head… jury’s still out on that one… but he most certainly is not a glider. Just look at the instructions and illustration.
Buzz does not have a “fuselage”. He also does not have a “tail wing”. Neither does he have a “rear slot”. Even if he could fly his arms would not keep him aloft. Especially if those arms were removed and stuck onto his neck. He may not have a “propeller assembly” but he does have poly-carbonate space wings! Common people, you’re not even trying here! D’Assemblée Pour!!! D’assembée pour.