Jiggle Beans

Possibly the best name for a product ever conceived. But isn’t the word “Jiggle” usually reserved for Jello and lady parts? Yes. But we’re Disney so we’ll do whatever the Fairy Godmother we want! We’re slapping that moniker on our new product and that product is for children!

They don’t make Jiggle Beans anymore. Probably a good thing.

It sounds a little inappropriate to ask your friends to come over when you have these. “Hey, wanna come over and play with your Jiggle Beans?”

“Um. No. Ew.”

Jiggle Beans are just like the Weebles from my childhood. Weebles were cool. I used to have the Treehouse. But these things are not Weebles. They’re Weeble Wannabes. That’s my opinion. And my opinion is hard to say three times fast.

Hey Disney. You’re Disney! You have people that sit around an create amazing things. You couldn’t think of something original? Oh yeah. The Lion King.

Sorry, I forgot.

 

About Jiggle Beans

Of course you can see this package contains two of these so called beans. Both Buzz “Jiggle” Lightyear and Emperor “Bean” Zurg respectively. Also two “bean stands” behind the label. I thought this was a bean stand:

I found this item at the Disney Store which I visit every single time I’m in a mall that has one. It was cool seeing Buzz in an egg shape. Unique. Well unique in the sense that I had never seen Buzz with his arms and legs cut off and the remainder rolled into a ball.

All that and he’s still smiling.

I don’t remember him facing the wrong way when I bought it. He must have jiggled his way around while in storage.

Escape attempts.

 

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Plenty to choose from.

As you can see there were several other Disney characters for purchase. I’m see a Woody and Alien combo that I would have bought if I saw them today. Back then I didn’t care much for the Alien character. Now I see him as a natural compliment to my Buzz collection. Woody is still crap.

I see a Red, Blue and Black Ranger. Some Red Dragon thing, Stitch, and some White Thing with an H on it’s chest. Next row we’ve got Buzz, Woody, Zurg, LGM, Nemo and Dory. Last row we have Mr. Incredible, Syndrome, Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Mickey and Pluto. If you know what the red dragon and white thing are supposed to be post in the comments.

You can see I paid $5.50 for it… cause I don’t live in Canada.

As I mentioned, you can’t buy one in the stores anymore but I did find this for sale on the UK ebay going for $7.99 US. Or you can buy one for $8.99 on our ebay. Or you can steal mine for free*.

 

Buzz looks good.

Nice art. All the right colors in all the right places. His facial expression isn’t creepy… unlike some. He’s been stuck in there since at least 2006. So seven years so far. If he’s alive he hates me.

 

Zurg was a huge pain in the butt to shoot. Kept flipping around inside the packaging facing the wrong way. I’m mad at him so I’ll say he looks dumb and stupid. Zurg is someone I’ve never really collected until more recently. I have a few items because, like the LGM, I think they compliment the collection. They’re like, “Such a nice collection”. And I’m like, “AAAAAAHHHHH Talking TOYS!”

So why did they quit making these?

I’ve never played with mine so I don’t know. But I would imagine the fun potential of these things is about 2 minutes tops. And most of that time would be opening the container. About as fun as an above ground pool. In about three days they’d be at the bottom of the toy box never to be seen again. Cause you know what a kid will do with Jiggle Bean display stands? Try to wear them as rings and if they don’t fit throw um like Frisbees.

But I’m glad I have them. They’re unique and rare. A good addition to the collection.

Speaking of which…

I’m trying to come up with a name for my collection. I think I’ll go with my wife’s suggestion.

It’s The “When Are You Going To Put All This Crap Back In Your Closet” Collection. Which sounds better than what I came up with: The “I Love Buzz More Than My Family” Collection. Or even what my kids came up with, The “Why Don’t You Open The Freaking Boxes Old Person?!” Collection.

One more thing…

I think I just figured out why they may have quit making these. They’re called Jiggle Beans but check out the feature sticker from the front of the package.

They have a defective product here. Jiggle Beans should jiggle but all they do is Shimmy ‘n Shake! They were probably all returned to the store by irate white moms.

“We want our Jiggle!”

“Well,” they’d respond. “You shouldn’t be white.”

 

What kind of crap do you collect? Is it in your closet or out? Are you offended because I said white moms are potentially un-jiggly? Post a comment below!

*This was a joke if you’re a crazy internet person who can’t tell when something’s a joke.