My wife and I have been asked to do a 13 week class on Parenting. Here’s the video we did to promote it in Big Church.

Prizes in children’s ministry are tricky things. The general thinking by leaders is that kids like winning prizes. So we use them at outreaches and for special events. We’ll give away a couple of bikes or even an iPod or two. The hope is that the prize will bring in a lot of new faces and that we’ll have a lot of happy winners. But all to often, in reality what I’ve seen is two happy winners… and a whole mess of disappointed kids and parents who didn’t win the big prize. I’ve seen a lot of new faces in the crowd, but none of them were smiling on the way out. So are we really getting what we wanted and hoped for or is there a better way?

I don’t do the big giveaways… and here’s why:

1. They cost a lot.
2. They only bless one or two kids.
3. They make the rest of the kids sad, upset, disappointed, jealous or even hateful.

Kids don’t deal well with the concept of Random. They get it in theory… they just don’t like it. It works fine for the randomly chosen winner of said prize… but to the rest of your group Random suddenly turns into just being Unfair! Remember how that felt when you were a kid? It felt Unfair!

What I suggest instead of a big prize drawing is a prize that everyone gets or must be earned. I don’t mind telling a kid that someone else got a prize because they said last week’s bible verse… because I can transform their disappointment into determination. I tell that child that they could get the same thing next week if they say their verses too.

Here are some examples. In an outreach situation, rather than a flier that tells of an iPod that will be given away at the event… what about saying that every child that comes out will get a bag of sour Skittles and a cold soda… plus a special prize at the end of service! Every child wins! And you’ve probably spent less on the candy and soda than the iPod!

For a special event at church you could have a prize for new visitors… and the kid who brought them! Every child has a chance to ‘win’ this prize… and any kid who doesn’t bring a friend that week could do so the next for a second chance.

Just a bit of thinking from a child’s perspective will help guide you when planning your next promotion in children’s church or sunday school. Here are a few of my guiding principals.

1. Prizes shouldn’t be so big that it breaks the hearts of those who don’t win… but still good enough to work hard for.
2. Every child has a controllable chance to win the prize. If they don’t win it’s because they didn’t earn it.
3. All of the prizes are always the same per event. That way children aren’t comparing what others got over (or under) themselves.

Some would argue that it’s important that kids learn self-control and good sportsmanship… and I would agree. But I would also argue that we don’t need to create situations that put kids in needlessly difficult situations. I don’t know about you but I want my visitors leaving my service happy!

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Old school teachers will demand respect from their students. New school understands the need to earn it. Lately I’ve found myself in a position of finding and striking a balance between both demanding and earning the respect of my new mini-congregation.

I fall on the new school side of things for the most part. I believe a good teacher will be respected when they give respect, love, acceptance, guidance and useful content. It’s basically the whole, “You can’t make a withdrawal until you’ve made a deposit” thing. But it only works with children who have a typical or ‘normal’ response to a proper teacher/child relationship.

The typical response is of course, respect. Depending on the age you may also get hero-status or even complete enthrallment (pre-school). For some children, however, your kindness is seen as weakness, a vulnerability to be taken advantage of. This is the case most typically with undisciplined children. They may see all adults as their servants, same as they do their parents. Teachers therefore become just another grown-up that is supposed to entertain them, give them treats, and cater to their whims. So kindness and caring are misinterpreted… expected and unappreciated. Any expectations you have are simply suggestions and are ignorable… unless you find the balance between earning respect and demanding it.

For the most part, it’s the child himself who can help you find it. If earning isn’t working, it’s naturally time to move into demanding. But how do we do that without being a tyrant? Is it even possible? I believe in cases where earning isn’t working, demanding is the only alternative. But how?

I’m a Teacher. I give respect, I deserve it in return.

I naturally give proper respect to the students I minister to. I do not mock them. I am not mean to them. I greet them warmly and am polite to them. I am also kind and considerate when a child is in a bad mood, is un-churched, a visitor, or has special needs. These children need extra compassion. But even though I serve these children and their families, I am not their servant. I do not deserve to be mocked, made to feel stupid or unappreciated. The respect I give not only serves to show Christ’s love, but to also be an example to follow.

I defend the Golden Rule… even in reverse.

The Rule: Treat others how you want them to treat you. I wholeheartedly believe in this rule and will defend it. I will treat others how I want them to treat me AND you will treat me how I treat you. At least that will be my goal for you if you’re in my ministry. Not just because I deserve to be treated right. But because it will help you be more like Christ. Therefore it is a part of proper discipleship.

I understand that they must respect me to be led by me.

Why all this talk about respect? Why do I sound like a 67 year old football coach? Because I believe mutual respect is important. I can’t teach kids I don’t think are worth my time. And likewise kids won’t learn from someone they don’t think is worth listening to. If they don’t respect you, they won’t care what you have to say.

I earn and demand respect.

So I’m a little bit old school and a little bit new school. I understand it’s important to be someone worthy of respect. It’s important to pour into a life before you can expect anything from it… but when all that fails… it becomes a discipline issue. Discipline issues are handled like any other bad behavior, by discouraging it and providing benefits for the alternative. So in my kid’s church your son or daughter may find themselves in time out for smarting off… and if they keep it up… they’ll be sitting in church with you for a few weeks. When they’re ready to be respectful, they get to enjoy all of the perks that children’s ministry has to offer.

One of my kids (Cheer Girl) sent me this video because it was “sooo funny”. Not only funny… but super creative and high-quality. I thought I’d share it here in case you could ever use it.