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The Pastor James Show

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About 5 years ago I was not a delegator. I felt that everything to do with the main children’s service on Sunday morning had to be created, developed and delivered by me alone. That’s what they were paying me to do. I was the children’s pastor. I was doing okay.

Then came a new volunteer that I quickly gained a lot of respect for named John. He had been the son of a well-known pastor and was trying to rise into ministry on his own without relying on his father’s name. I respect that kind of thing. After a few months I asked him what he thought of the service. He said something that rocked my world forever…

“The Pastor James Show was awesome!”

I doubt he even realized how much he was saying. Not only was he pointing out that I was doing everything on stage… it suddenly sounded very prideful and self-centered. That wasn’t my heart… but as I thought and prayed through, God showed me that pride was most defiantly an element.

I almost immediately started sharing portions of my service with my volunteers. I had someone else start leading worship. I appointed a game leader. I started asking folks to come in a little early to set up the room in 15 minutes rather than the 2 hours it was taking my wife and I to do it the night before alone. I quickly realized something…

My ministry had been limited by how much I was doing.

How jacked up is that! I was working harder than ever… but because I was doing it alone… I was limiting how effective my ministry was. As I delegated more and more I found that I had more time to focus on things I didn’t even realize I wasn’t doing. Things like building relationships with parents for example. Updating policies and procedures for another.

Thinking I was the only one who could do it right was Pride.

The Pastor James Show wasn’t about the kids… it wasn’t so much about God… it was about Pastor James. I didn’t intend for that to be the case… but when people looked up there… that’s who was shining bright… me. When I started giving stuff away, and helping others become the better and better I realized something… If you succeed more than I would in my ministry… I still win. Wins don’t only come 1st hand… they come when people you disciple and developed win as well.

Doing everything means I was focused on nothing.

I wasn’t being a children’s pastor… I was being a worship leader, puppet master, stage manager, sound and video director, security coordinator, disciplinarian, game leader and more. My job was supposed to be to bring the Word… but it was only after I let go of so much that I realized how little I was actually developing a real and genuine message from God to his children. I was more focused on schedules, props, time management and such than I was on rightly dividing the Word of God. That has defiantly changed as a result of delegating.

All of the benefits didn’t happen overnight. Giving away pieces of your job isn’t easy at first… it’s actually a lot harder than doing it yourself for a time. That’s why most folks don’t bother… but we’ll talk more about that tomorrow.

The Power of Admitting Fault To Our Children

sorry+squirrel

I’ve never been able to idolize any human being who came across as perfect. I can’t believe in something that I know isn’t real. That’s why I like my heroes to be imperfect. If they can be human… and still be awesome… that is something I can hope to achieve.

I have to believe that our children need the same type of example from us. So many times though, we parents feel that if we’re not right 100% of the time, then we lose somehow. We’re not sure what we’ll lose… but it’ll be gone and we’ll miss it and that is that!

The problem is, thinking back to my own childhood, I knew when my parents made mistakes. I made decisions, pacts, and judgments based on what I understood at the time. If they tried to gloss it over, or pretend it never happened, or even worse, make like it was right… it had the opposite effect they were hoping for. I lost respect for them and swore, once more, never to be like them.

The solution to this issue is difficult but simple. When we screw up as a parent or spouse… we need to admit it and apologize. Our kids see us when we’re acting stupid… and they need to see what happens as a result. They need to see us humble ourselves. They need an example of how to fail. We’re afraid to show weakness… but it takes guts to let it show. It takes strength to be weak.

The other day I got mad with my wife. I was loud and annoyed. Like a flash in the pan it was over… but there were my kids at the breakfast table looking at me. My daughter asked what was wrong. I told her that I got angry with Mom… but I was wrong and shouldn’t have been loud. She learned that this wasn’t acceptable or typical behavior. It wasn’t the norm… and wouldn’t be the norm. Dad was wrong and would correct the behavior. Emotional scarring averted.

It’s not the only time I have had to apologize to her. Once I was mistaken in a discipline situation. Mom had told her one thing, I didn’t know about it and told her another. Tears and confusion followed. I went to her room and told her what had happened… that she wasn’t in trouble… and that I was wrong and very sorry. You could see the hurt melt away from her eyes. Again, emotional scarring averted.

Apologizing is powerful. It sets an example. Creates accountability within the family. Helps kids see a direct link between the standards you have for them and the benefits as an adult. Mostly though, it makes you real. It turns around a negative and makes it a positive. It bonds your kids to you rather than pushing them away.

The goal with apologizing is to do it as much as necessary, but as little as possible.

Reasons We Don’t Delegate

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It’s our job

It can be hard to ask volunteers to help because we feel there are things that only we are supposed to do. Even with the rest of it, we’re the one’s being paid (in some cases anyway) to do the job. We don’t go to our volunteer’s jobs and help them.

While there may be certain things that only a pastor should do… most of what we do can and should be given away. Our job is less about doing ministry and more about training others to do it. The general rule: anything that anyone else can do should be done by someone else.

We want it done exactly how we do it

When we do everything ourselves, we learn to simplify our procedures so that we can quickly move through them and get more done. This means that in actuality, you are probably the best in the church at what you’re doing. It can be very difficult to give away one of your responsibilities because you’ve not only perfected the process… but because you want it done exactly the same way.

Though keeping every responsibility under your direct control will ensure that everything is done exactly how you want… it does limit the amount of things you are able to do. They will not do it exactly the way you would do it… but it will get done and you will be free to do more of what only you can do.

We don’t want to overwhelm volunteers

We’re so happy to get a new volunteer that we don’t want to give them anything to do right away… for fear that we’ll run them off. We know how hard our job is and we are afraid that we’ll lose our help if we give them to big a job. This was me in a nutshell.

Volunteers volunteer because they want to work. In many cases they sacrifice a ‘big church’ service that they enjoyed because they want to serve. It’s almost like they’re paying to be there. It is our job to make sure they’re getting their money’s worth. If we don’t give them something to do, they will wonder why they’re even there… and they will leave. You stand to lose more volunteers by not delegating than by sharing the load.

Our job is to difficult or complicated

In my own case, I was afraid to give away parts of my job because they were very difficult and in some cases high-pressure. I thought I was being noble because I was protecting my staff from the hardest jobs. In reality, with God’s help, I realized that I was actually being prideful. Was I the only one who could handle the tough jobs? Was I somehow better than them? With this realization I was able to look around my ministry with fresh eyes.

I realized that the most dedicated people I had in ministry were in the toughest jobs. Ministry coordinators and bus captains were the most dependable… but I couldn’t keep a person on door security to save my life. So the more stressful and draining a job was potentially, the more the people were endeared to it. So not only was I downplaying their strengths, I was robbing people of an opportunity to serve God like never before.

The other truth here is that once you give a piece of your ministry away, it will not burden them like it did you. We ministers try to carry it all ourselves and so every part can see overblown and overwhelming. But to someone who is carrying only one part, it is not overwhelming to them.

Delegation is hard work… but it’s the only way your ministry will grow larger than yourself. We’ll be talking more about that tomorrow.

Who would take your place if you got sick Sunday morning?

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Have you ever gotten sick on Sunday morning?

Yesterday, about 15 minutes before I was supposed to begin our regular Sunday kids service, I started to get waves of nausea. I grabbed the office trashcan in one hand and my cell in the other. I started texting my people and starting delegating. I asked one volunteer to preach my sermon. Another to boot up the media computer. The game lady and worship leader already knew what they were supposed to do, so no need to bother them at all. Within moments I had completely replaced myself. I fell asleep in my office chair waiting for any emergencies. My wife startled me awake a half-hour later and told me to go home. Everything was moving smoothly.

It got me thinking about delegation. There are many children’s ministers who don’t believe they (1) have people to delegate to or (2) need to even bother having someone who could do their job or (3) they feel to bad to ask anyone. But what if you got sick Sunday morning? Some might say that they’d just have to handle it… but that would be dismissing the question. For those of us who struggle with giving away parts of our job… I put that question to you:

Who would do your service if you got sick Sunday morning?

Whoever comes to mind, train those folks. If no one comes to mind… find those folks. Emergencies, illnesses and vacations happen. It just makes sense to be prepared.

This week we’ll be looking at delegation, some reasons we don’t do it, and why we should. Be sure to subscribe to our RSS feed for automatic updates.

Ways To Make Your Wife’s Birthday Extra Special (That Won’t Break You)

Due to a crazy busy few weeks, I have had my wife’s birthday sneak up on me. Not only is it tomorrow… but she’s a girl who never knows what she wants. It’s nice to have a wife that isn’t materialistic… but it’s hard on the husband. 🙂

She likes the typical stuff like presents, a cake and a party or dinner but what really does it for her are the special extras that show her I care. They especially come in handy when you’re out of town on her birthday and need to do some extra just to make it seem less than normal.

Here are some ways to add a little extra to her special day.

1. Let her sleep in. This is especially important if you have children.

2. Feed the family. Three meals a day is a huge responsibility. You can’t give her a day off without taking that one over for her. The kids may not be pleased with PB & J three times in a row… but Mom will love it!

3. Make sure she owns her current top 5 favorite songs. Thanks to iTunes and the like, it’s easy to purchase a lot of good music without spending a ton on a full CD like we did back in the day. Find out what she’s listening to on the radio, interpret the sketchy description, and purchase your best guess for her.

4. Write her a list of things you love about her. Your lady doesn’t realize how much you appreciate her. You don’t appreciate her enough. Writing up a huge list of things you love and appreciate is good for both of you. See my latest list of things I love about my wife.

5. Clean out and detail her car. Maybe you do this already… then do it again… and make it smell really good!

6. Clean her house and do the dishes. Do an extra good job. Pull the sofa away from the wall. Move the TV. Vacuum and dust like mad. Get the kids involved. Light a new Yankee Candle you picked up to make it even better.

7. Candles, novels or movies. Chances are your wife is in to one or more of those three things. Buy some. What candles does she have that are low? She wants a new one. What movies has she seen and enjoyed? Pick up a copy. Find her favorite authors and see if they’ve written anything new. You can’t lose.

8. Ask the kids what they appreciate about their Mom. Help them make a card and write it out for them (unless they’re big enough to do it themselves).

9. Massages. Buy some massage oil to make it even better (and easier on your hands).

10. Write up a book of coupons that they can cash in later for child care, breakfast in bed, sleeping in, etc. Let the giving continue way past the birthday. Make more than one of each!

11. Have a birthday message read from her favorite podcast! 😉 Half joking… but really, it’s an idea. You can sponsor an episode of Geek Loves Nerd and we’ll dedicate the entire show to her… and read a message just from you!

How To Put Your Spouse First

This is something I’m working on more and more each day. See, I tend to be a selfish person. I think at our core most of us would have to say the same thing. We prefer being served over serving others for example.

In every situation I’ve been asking myself this question to help me be better at putting my wife’s needs above my own:

What do I want? Give that to her!

Simple… but very hard to do. For instance… we’re going out to eat. I have a place I want to go to… so does she… but they’re not the same place. I can fight for what I want… or I can give her what I want. It’s different than giving in… or losing. It’s a chance for us to willingly provide for the other person what we want ourselves.

I hear this giving thing comes back around. Plant a good seed and good things grow. I’m looking forward to that.

What do you do to help from being to selfish in your relationship? Post your thoughts in the comments.

Different Types of Clowns and Children’s Ministers

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Some people think we’re all just big kids… a bunch of clowns. Okay then…

Bozo – Thinks he has to be a kid in order to reach kids. Acts crazy and just wants to make kids laugh.
Strength: Easily attracts kids.
Weakness: Cannot be serious, cannot hold attention for long, kids don’t take them seriously: can’t confide problems in leader; don’t respond to discipline.

JoJo – Thinks kids need a serious spiritual awakening. May use serious, hard to understand topics. Sometimes they get results, but often end up losing interest of kids and going over their heads. Possibly even scaring them.
Strengths: Order, image of discipline, some kids respond to academic approach.
Weaknesses: boring, won’t keep most kids attention, kids don’t learn practical truths they can apply to their life at their level, begin to hate church or learn to fake it to please leader.

Krusty – Loves kids, but doesn’t take children’s ministry seriously. Thinks that telling bible stories and using the right props and materials is enough. Has no spiritual foundation. Goes through the motions, teaches with curriculum/bible in hand because there was little to no preparation. Reads stories, doesn’t do anything creative or original. Just goes through the motions so he/she can say that they did church. Never challenges what has worked in the past.
Strengths: Kids are being taught something and will learn.
Weaknesses: Tells kids they aren’t important, tells parents their kids aren’t important. Church/God is boring.

Ronald – Has all the tricks, videos, skits, props, flash, glam, music, games and more. Appears to be a world class, cutting edge children’s ministry with money, facilities, and everything. Leader is caught up in the Hype of ministry. The props.
Strengths: Ministry appears to be fully functional and attractive.
Weaknesses: Kids are entertained, but not challenged to grow. Kids go to a show not a church service. There is no personal touch from pastor to child.

Homey – Want the best for kids, but use God as a weapon. They portray him as a bad man with a big stick ready to kill them if they step out of line. He is “good all the time” and “worthy of all praise” but is also hot tempered and quick to judge our mistakes.
Strengths: A few kids will respond, out of fear mostly, but it can keep them out of trouble.
Weaknesses: Most will quit trying to please an unappeasable God.

Red – Loves God and kids, and feels his/her job is to connect the two together. What they lack in talent, skill and know-how they make up for in faithfulness, persistence and genuine love for kids. Kids would come to their services if there were only a bible story and a hug.
Strengths: Kids are learning from lesson and example. Kids know they are important and loved. Kids see a real person who isn’t perfect, someone they can grow to be.
Weaknesses: Ministry and minister may not look like much, inward growth isn’t exciting to look at.

What kind of leader should we be?

Online Accountability Is Important For Us Married Peeps

Accountability on the Internet is important whether you’re married or not… but for those of us who are hitched… it’s not just important, it’s all but mandatory. For the married person, accountability is easy. You’ve got a built-in accountability partner!

If I ever screw up my marriage… I want it to be for something half-way worthwhile… not some stupid internet stunt. That’s why I let my wife have full access to my online life. I have no secrets online. <strong>Here’s some of my suggestions:</strong>
<h3>I believe it’s very important for your spouse to know what you’re doing online.</h3>
I’m not saying they need to be checking your browsing history every moment of the day… but they should be able to any time they wish.
<h3>Your spouse should be able to access your email account.</h3>
Does your wife or husband have your password? Mine does. I don’t think she’s ever used it… but she could if she wanted to.
<h3>Your spouse should be able to get all up in your cell phone.</h3>
This includes photos, call history, chat, email messages. My phone is not locked. Jenn can see anything she wants. I have nothing to hide… except for bad spelling in text messages.
<h3>If something weird happens, your spouse should be told.</h3>
Did you click on something in Facebook that launched one thousand dirty pop-ups? Did a friend send a seedy image? Did an over zealous female try to start someone online? Delete it or stop it and share it with your spouse.
<h3>The computer should be in a high-traffic area.</h3>
It’s hard to get into trouble online if you aren’t alone with the internets.
<h3>Don’t chat.</h3>
Visiting random chatrooms is not a great idea for anyone honestly… but especially married people. That’s why I like Twitter. You can talk to folks… but it’s public. Even private messages are archived. I’ve been known to chat back and forth with co-workers and friends using Google Chat… but that keeps a written record of every chat that my wife could scan at anytime. I just don’t believe it’s a good idea to use software that allows for random connections in a one-on-one situation.

Altar Time Tips

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If your church is big on doing altar times where people come to the front to pray, worship and be prayed for, then chances are your children’s ministry is too. Even if they’re not a regular occurrence, at Kids Camp usually they are. For some of us knowing what to do, say or pray can be a little unnerving. And even if we’re comfortable in the setting, that doesn’t mean our volunteers or youth helpers are.

As someone who started as a nervous, less than eager,  altar time participant myself… here are some things I’ve picked up that may help you, or help those you are training.

Kids will come forward for anything

If you play the right music, dim the lights and say the right words you could have an altar call for kids to ask the Easter Bunny in their hearts and you’d still get a good turn out. I mean, who wouldn’t want the Easter Bunny!! Silly, yes… but important. Important because I truly believe that an altar call is all but useless to those who don’t understand what they’re doing. Some could say it’s good practice… but I disagree. I think that’s most of the troubles we have with our kids and spirituality. It’s rehearsed, practiced. They’ve learned how to look like it’s doing what we want it to do for them… and some of them keep up the act till they turn (if they last that long) 18… then they’re gone. That being said…

Most of the kids who come down have a real purpose

There are a lot of tears at a good altar call. Some kids may come down because they’re doing what is expected… but there are a good bunch who come down because they want something from God. They have a purpose for being there… but it may not be the purpose you made the call for.

It’s important to find out why they’re there

I always ask a kid why they came down. If they don’t know, I pray with them and usually direct them back to their seat. It’s not time for them yet. When they do know, and let me know, it helps me pray for them. Yes, God knows… and it doesn’t matter if I know or not… but I believe that in that situation we’re God’s hands and we can be his Voice. I remember loving it when an adult who knew me and my situation would pray specifically for me. On the other hand I can say that I wasn’t thrilled about being prayed over (and breathed on) by the ‘guy who prays for everyone’ dude. More importantly than me knowing… it’s important for them to know. It helps them focus their mind so they can focus on what they need from God.

Find out why they’re crying

If you’ve got a little girl who’s bawling her eyes out… it can be tough to know if they’re being blessed, if they’re missing momma, or if they’re reliving some horrible tragedy from their past. So when I see that child, I always make a point to go to them and ask a simple question, “Happy cry or Sad cry?” If they say ‘happy’ then I just praise God with them. If they say ‘sad’ then it’s time to help them talk it through. Altar times are great… but they can tear the Band-Aid off a broken heart quicker than anything… and we’ve got to be discerning enough to not walk past a child who is broken and assume they’re being blessed.

Thank God… It’s not about us

It can be a little daunting to be there for a hurting child… knowing what to say or not say. Am I talking to much… not enough? Do I have to have all the answers? Can I mess up in a way that will make this child worse? I’ll say it again… Thank God it’s not about us. I believe this… if our hearts are dead set on pleasing God and helping kids… just pure Godly intentionality… it’s going to be hard to mess up. I’ve found that kids aren’t looking for the perfect answer anyway… they’re looking for someone to talk to. They just want to get it out. They want to hear that God knows… and loves them… and WILL help them. Most of the issues I pray with kids about revolve around family issues. When the situation is bad enough… I just remind them that though they have no control over their current family life… they have every bit of control in the world over they family they choose for their own kids. You can give purpose to their pain if you help them to learn from other’s mistakes instead of repeating them.

Don’t be afraid to reel in a weird-o

You know who I’m talking about. That one guy or gal who just loves to wale and spit and spew and shake your kids till they ‘get the spirit’ or fall over. They have the best intentions (most of the time) but they often can get over zealous and actually do more harm than good. I can’t tell you how many teens I’ve talked to who have left the church because one of these guys got a hold of them. Putting a stop to such things takes guts… and it’s embarrassing for both parties… but it’s the right and responsible thing to do. Better to hurt the feelings of an adult (and in the process, disciple them) than to turn a child off to the things of God forever. I do not believe that spiritual people lose control of their own actions.

The time your children spend with their God is powerful and needs to be protected and shepherded. I hope this article has been a help. If so, or if you have any tips you’ve picked up that will help our readers… post them in the comments.

Thoughts On Children’s Ministry Effectiveness

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I used to do a lot of Bus Ministry. Things have changed in the last few years where running busses is not feasible right now… but I still have a little place in my heart ready to pounce when the time is right again.

Bus Ministry is a great place to learn a lot… hard and fast. You make a lot of mistakes… and you ask a lot of internal questions… and it challenges the living crizzle out of your beliefs and makes you wonder if it’s worth it at all.

Once I remember questioning whether pulling a kid out of their situation for only a couple of hours a week was actually doing any good for them at all. I was explaining to God how they’re bombarded with family issues, inner-city pressures, peer-pressure like you’ve never seen… how was my little song-n-dance once a week going to provide any help… especially for those who didn’t half listen?

God told me—I must stop here for a moment and make sure you understand that when I say “God Told Me”, that it works like this: I get a really excellent idea in my mind that I know in a million years would never come from my own jacked up, over functioning brain—flatly”:

“When you’re in a fire… any moment you’re not burning is a great moment.”

I knew exactly what He was telling me. These kids were in the worst of situations… and though I was questioning our effectiveness, God was making it clear that every moment they were free from that situation was a precious, precious time for them. It helped me so much. Suddenly I saw their hyperactivity in a new light. They were excited to just be kids for once. They were getting a chance to play, a chance to connect with adults who truly cared about them as people. I wasn’t allowed to downplay any of the time we spent with them after that.

This concept doesn’t only apply to Bus Ministry… but to any ministry to children. Sure, we only get them a few hours a week… assuming they come every time the doors are open… but that time is precious. Especially from God’s point of view. Even if all we did was play with our kids rather than teach, for some of them it would be the most spiritually refreshing moments in their week. Experiencing God’s unconditional love in a safe, accepting environment should be the foundation of every children’s ministry experience.